Friday, January 31, 2014
"Ten Old Fashioned Dating Habits We Should Make Cool Again"
10 Old Fashioned Dating Habits We Should Make Cool Again
Dec. 4, 2013
By
Kate Bailey
1. Coming to the door to pick someone up.
I think we’ve all had it with the incredibly unromantic “here” text, and meeting up always seems to be more casual and platonic than the alternative. Of course, meeting someone from online or any circumstance like that would probably be the exception to this rule, but generally: the 30 seconds it takes to get out of a car or cab and knock on the door makes a huge difference.2. Trying to dress really nicely for a date.
“Nicely” means different things for different people, so I think it’s just a matter of putting effort into how you put yourself together to go out with someone. It’s not about wearing suits and petticoats again, but just realizing that, whether or not we like to accept it, appearance does count for something, and we should do our best to make sure that our appearance says something about us, in whatever way we’d like it to.3. Bringing flowers or other tokens of affection to the first date.
Now, many lucky ladies (and some men) I know get this regularly, and in fact, I have myself as well, but only ever with people I’d been dating for a while. I think there’s something to be said for bringing flowers to the door on your first date. It’s become uncool because it’s forward and it’s a gesture that confirms their interest, but we should definitely get past that idea and worry more about how we’re going to let someone know we really do care and appreciate that they want to spend time with us.4. Going dancing that’s not grinding on a grimy club floor.
Whatever happened to this? Dancing for the sake of dancing, like fun, not essentially sex on a dance floor dancing. What’s a better way to literally shake off nerves than seeing them bust a really dorky move on a dance floor? And the art of slow dancing has generally been lost, though I’ve been one to do it in my living room with my slightly coerced significant other, and I’ll tell you he’s said on numerous occasions it ended up being one of the most romantic nights we had together.5. Straightforwardly asking someone out and not calling it “hanging out.”
Or, as is very popular these days, “talking.” “Oh, we’re just… talking.” As in, seeing one another and speaking frequently as to get to know each other? So… dating? We’ve found these really convenient ways to skirt around the issue of having to put our hearts on the line, but honestly, it just ends up being messy and confusing for all parties involved. There’s no need to go back to the idea of courting or anything, unless you want to, but simply being direct about whether or not you’d like to go on a date with someone is a truly lost art, one that really shouldn’t be.6. Additionally, being clear about when you’re “going steady.”
Oh, the awkward, “so… are we… you know… what are we?” talk. Classic. We should go back to asking one another if the other person would like to “go steady” or something. There’s something about asking them if they’d like to rather than assuming that you are or aren’t anything that’s just very cute, in my opinion.7. Romantic gestures like writing poems.
Writing poems may not be for you, I know mine would look something like “Roses are red, violets are blue, I hate poetry but I love you.” I literally just made that up thank you please quote me when you inevitably post that gem on Tumblr. But seriously, like a handwritten letter in the mail or just surprising them with something you made even if it looks like the macaroni necklace you made when you were 5 is cute just because you tried and were thinking of them.8. Turning electronics off and just being with one another.
I’m not sure there is anything worse than the person who picks up their phone and starts staring at it in the middle of dinner, or at any point while you’re together and having a conversation. I’m not anti-technology here (hello, I work for the Internet) but I am saying that there comes a time to turn it off and disconnect and remember what actually matters. People.9. The general concept of asking permission for things.
It used to be principle for people to say: oh, when can I see you? Or, when could I call you? Rather than just assuming they can at any point. But I think that old concept could be applied to our modern world by just assuming that, unless told otherwise, you should ask permission to you know, touch them anywhere, take them out, call them at a certain time, etc. Once you’re in a relationship these things usually don’t require asking anymore, but some do, especially when it comes to sexuality. I once knew a person who said that they asked permission before so much as touching a girl’s thigh, and that always stuck with me.10. Not assuming sex is to be had at any point in time.
Now, I’m certainly not saying it should go back to being a taboo that’s unspoken of, but we certainly shouldn’t expect it from someone on the third date, on the first date, because they’re being flirty, because you know they’re into you, or even because they agreed to go out with you. A date does not have to be a precursor to sex, and you shouldn’t be disappointed if it isn’t because you should never assume that it will be. It depends on the person you’re with and what they want to do.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
"A Case For Early Marriage"
A Case for Early Marriage: Why It’s a Good Idea to Get Married Young
The Taboo of Early Marriage
People don’t get married anymore. If they do, then it is much later in life. In fact the age of marriage is continually going up in our culture to where it is pushing thirty. Not only has this been the trend in the culture, but I have seen this trend begin to take place in the church as well. It is my personal belief and conviction that this can be harmful to human flourishing and a great hinderance for godly families within the church.Early marriage has become taboo in our culture. Getting married at a young age of 20 or 21 will get you some strange comments from others, including other Christians (Trust me, I’ve experienced them). However, I think we need a revival of early marriage among Christians. I think there are several reasons younger Christians need to begin adopting this counter cultural practice by marrying early.
1. Marriage is a Great Gift
The way many people talk about marriage, it seems like they were talking about a death sentence. As I was engaged to my beautiful wife Kaitlyn at twenty years old, here was some of the comments I received.- Enjoy life now because everything will be different (said in a depressive tone)
- Already? But you’re so young, you have so much life to live!
- Get ready for that bail and chain
2. Marriage Encourages People to Grow Up
It is not a strange sighting today to see 25 or 26-year-old men living at home with mom and dad, drinking red bull, and playing X-Box all day. The recently created teenager/adolescent culture seems to be a growing age group. Adolescence is no longer just during the teen years but continues into the 20s and early 30s. My own generation is a generation characterized by a lack of initiative failing to take responsibility for their own lives.Marriage is God’s gracious gift of forcing a man and a woman to grow up, particularly men. When a man gets married he becomes responsible for providing for his family, making sure the bills are paid, and protecting his wife. He must not only take responsibility for himself but for his wife and future children. Marriage pushes young men out of the nest to spread their wings and fly under the windy pressures of life. This is a good thing, but unfortunately rather than pushing these guys towards manhood we allow them to continue in a lengthy boyhood. This is a shame and Christian men need to grow up into their divine calling of marriage and family.
3. Marriage Protects From Sexual Immorality
We live in an overly sexualized culture. From nude scenes in Hollywood movies, risqué television shows, and erotic novels, young people are being bombarded with one message: Sex. There is an incredible amount of pressure on Christian young people to bend their knee to our cultures unbiblical view of loveless, carnal sex without consequences.However, if Christians place the expectation on young believers to wait till their late twenties and early thirties for marriage, we are placing on them a weight that will cripple them. Young Christians seeking to be obedient to abstain from sexual relations outside of marriage will collapse under the weight of their optimal sex drive and the influence of an obseessivly sexualized culture.
It is unreasonable, foolish, and harmful to place this weight on young people. Sex is a good gift given to us by God, meant for our enjoyment in the way God has designed. Rather than encouraging young people to delay marriage and a sexual relationship with their spouse, we should encourage them to marry. This way they can enjoy God’s gift of sex in a way that protects them from sexual immorality and glorifies and honors God.
Don’t Make Early Marriage Taboo
Christian parents, grandparents, and teachers should encourage younger Christians to consider marrying early. Marriage is an incredible gift given by God to our sanctification and our enjoyment. Yes, early marriage is not necessarily an easy road. You may be poor, have to work twice as hard to make it through college, and be thought of as weird by a anti-marriage culture. However, if two Christians love each other, and most importantly love the Lord Jesus Christ, early marriage should not be a thing that is tabooed, but encouraged and celebrated."10 Signs You've Found The One"
10 Signs You've Found The One
The One. It can be such a daunting word. Being with the right person can not only determine authentic, unconditional happiness; but your health as well. Being in a toxic relationship may keep you from true happiness, experiencing unconditional love, and can hold you back from living the life you're meant to be living.
I am not a psychologist, but I am a holistic health coach who has studied how each area of life plays a huge role in your wellbeing—perhaps even your weight and how clear your skin is. I also happen to be madly in love with my fiancé. I've found my soul mate, best friend, and the most perfect person on earth for me. We're incredibly lucky. I hope each and every one of you takes a minute to evaluate your current romantic relationship and don't accept anything but greatness.
Here are 10 (out of so many) simple things to look out for in a relationship:
1. Your partner is your best friend. You're 110% yourself, you feel free, and enjoy the little things in life together.
2. Your partner is the one you want next to you in your deepest, darkest moments.
3. You're capable of being away from each other, but neither of you like it one bit.
4. Your partner is your #1 choice for the person you want with you when you splurge on your favorite treat, watch an embarrassing television show, or forget your manners at the dinner table because you're too exhausted that day.
5. The two of you compromise with each other. You don't always get your way.
6. You care about his or her needs more than your own.
7. You both know that throughout life you might change and grow, but you'll always change and grow together. Life is about enjoying the stages with each other.
8. When something happens—terrible, exciting or completely insignificant—he or she is always the first person you want to tell.
9. He or she balances you out, and you do the same. Where one is weaker, the other is stronger.
10. You know that no matter what, he or she will always stand by you and be on your side.
Bonus: You both take a moment, every day, to think about just how lucky you are to have found your most perfect person on this earth.
I am not a psychologist, but I am a holistic health coach who has studied how each area of life plays a huge role in your wellbeing—perhaps even your weight and how clear your skin is. I also happen to be madly in love with my fiancé. I've found my soul mate, best friend, and the most perfect person on earth for me. We're incredibly lucky. I hope each and every one of you takes a minute to evaluate your current romantic relationship and don't accept anything but greatness.
Here are 10 (out of so many) simple things to look out for in a relationship:
1. Your partner is your best friend. You're 110% yourself, you feel free, and enjoy the little things in life together.
2. Your partner is the one you want next to you in your deepest, darkest moments.
3. You're capable of being away from each other, but neither of you like it one bit.
4. Your partner is your #1 choice for the person you want with you when you splurge on your favorite treat, watch an embarrassing television show, or forget your manners at the dinner table because you're too exhausted that day.
5. The two of you compromise with each other. You don't always get your way.
6. You care about his or her needs more than your own.
7. You both know that throughout life you might change and grow, but you'll always change and grow together. Life is about enjoying the stages with each other.
8. When something happens—terrible, exciting or completely insignificant—he or she is always the first person you want to tell.
9. He or she balances you out, and you do the same. Where one is weaker, the other is stronger.
10. You know that no matter what, he or she will always stand by you and be on your side.
Bonus: You both take a moment, every day, to think about just how lucky you are to have found your most perfect person on this earth.
"The Wife List"
The Wife List: 10 Qualities

Well, I can sum up most of my friends’ lists right here: 1.Blonde, 2. Skinny, 3. Hot. A few others might include: she likes football, she drinks beer with my buds, and she’s at least a full C. No matter what I write below, that list isn’t going away for some of you guys. We’re all stubborn, but we can also be authentic. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way.
Earlier this week, I wrote the article An Uncrafty Guy’s Guide to Making a Vision Board about keeping you visually focused on your dreams. Should we be specific about the woman we want to marry? Absolutely. However, make a list with long-term vision. Most of the characteristics we think we want in a wife aren’t ones that make for a good, lifelong relationship. They are characteristics of a woman we want for one night.
Just like character is the most important quality of a good guy, the woman you’re going to marry should have good character as well. When you find her, she is more valuable than anything. Here are 10 qualities of good future wife material:
1. She shares your beliefs
When it comes to finding your wife, I’ve heard “equally yoked.” It has nothing to do with weightlifting for those of you guys who like muscle women. Your potential wife should have the same beliefs you have. Now, you may think you can do some missionary dating, and turn that situation around so she will believe everything you do. You’re probably going to be very disappointed with some bad side effects. If you don’t have the same core beliefs….good luck.
2. She makes you a better man
If everyday is hell with her, that should be a red flag. Your potential wife should elevate you to Yourself 2.0. You can get a good idea from your friends and family. Do they say you act differently in a bad way when you are around her? Not a good sign. She should bring out the best in you, not bring out heartache and frayed nerves.
3. She’s trustworthy
In fact, she should inspire trustworthiness within you. If you don’t trust her, you’re probably making her as bitter as you’re making yourself. Not worth it. If you can’t trust her, maybe you’re not ready to date her or maybe you need to work on confidence issues within yourself. If there’s good reason not to trust her, don’t even go there. Just like any cheater, it’s bound to happen again.
4. She has ambition
She should have strength in character and carry herself with confidence. As a man, you should be the leader in the relationship, but for any dictators who feel justified here; we’re talking servant leadership. You probably don’t want the consummate follower either. She should have plans too. In fact, she should be a hard worker just like you. That doesn’t mean having a job is a requirement. One of my friends is a stay-at-home wife with three kids, and she works harder than any of my friends with careers.
5. She’s selfless
She should care about others. Look at the way she treats her family and her friends. If she’s not close with her family, and doesn’t have any good friends, that’s not a good sign. If you start dating her, much less marry her, you will discover why soon enough. Some questions to ask yourself: Does she care about causes? Does she go out and volunteer? Does she give change to the needy or buy them a meal? These are important characteristics to consider.
6. She’s attractive
In your eyes, she should be a “10.” When my wife walks in the room, I’m awestruck by her every time. She’s beautiful from the inside out. However, I’ve dated “hot” girls who ended up being downright ugly by the time we broke up. Personality plays into attractiveness big-time. Just remember, “charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting.” She should be beautiful down to her soul because that kind of beauty lasts forever.
7. She’s smart
You’re going to be spending a lot of time with her, so she should be able to hold a good conversation. She should be wise, smart, and give you good advice. Her women’s intuition should be strong. I look to my wife all the time for advice. She’s collected all sorts of wisdom from her mom. She remembers everything. Yes, everything….maybe too much.
8. She loves you unconditionally
If she’s trying to change you to be another person, it’s time to move on. Your future wife should love you just as you are, regardless of anything you’ve done in your past. There will be minor adjustments along the way, but if she nags you about your core characteristics, it won’t get any better in marriage.
9. She’s responsible
Does she remember appointments and meetings? Does she flake all of the time? She should already do a good job of managing her own life. If she’s got loads of debt and doesn’t work, you’re going to be taking all of that on. Ultimately, she will have some part in your financial well-being, and guess what? Finances remain one of the leading causes of divorce.
10. She gets along with your family and friends
If she doesn’t even try to connect with your family and/or friends, let her go. She shouldn’t be critical of the people who you love and have been loyal to you throughout your life. There might be cases where your mom doesn’t like your future wife, and that may require your intervention; but in general, she should be a good fit with the people in your life. Marriage is a joining of two lives that existed prior to meeting the other person.
When it comes down to it, you know what you can handle. Love can overwrite any of the qualities above, but having these qualities will certainly make your lives easier once you are married. No one’s perfect. Even with this list, both of you are still going to bring some kind of baggage into the relationship. Make sure premarital counseling is a huge priority once you find her. My wife and I did a relationship bootcamp in addition to premarital counseling. One session just doesn’t cut it. Throw everything but the kitchen sink at the most important decision you will ever make.
"The Husband List"
The Husband List: 12 Non-Negotiables
Therefore, even if you have a vision or idea of what your future husband will be like, it is important that you define the specific traits in your life partner. I was in a bible study where we were required to make a “husband list” for homework. It couldn’t just be a short list of the basics. We had to be specific. An example would be, “A man who has a calm temperament and handles stress well.” This may sound silly, but the reason it is important to put the important qualities you desire into writing is to hold you accountable. It also gives you heightened discernment in dating situations.
Let’s be honest ladies, it can be easy to let something slide or dismiss a red flag when a cute guy tells us yummy, fluttery words we want to hear. But is it an ugly situation when we let our hearts get too wrapped up into someone who ultimately doesn’t take care of it. The list keeps your standards in check and can help you quickly discern whether or not that guy gets a second date. It protects your heart against unnecessary wear and tear. In fact, your heart is so important to God that He says, “Above all else, guard your heart for from it flows the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23
I encourage each of you to make a husband list too. After I made mine, I met my husband 2 months later and not only was he every single character trait on that list, he was more. But I shouldn’t have been too surprised because, “God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” Ephesians 3:20.
Now, each one of your lists is going to have unique things according to who you are, your quirks, likes and dislikes. But there are some fundamental traits that God wants to be non-negotiables. Choosing who you will partner the rest of your life with is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make. Too many young women are settling for less than God’s best because they don’t know exactly how He expects His daughters to be treated. Based on scripture, here is a list of non-negotiables for you so you don’t have to second guess anymore.
1. He is a practicing believer.
“Do not be yoked together with an unbeliever…For what agreement is there between the temple of God and idols?” 2 Corinthians 6:14-16. Issues and conflict are bound to rise in marriage, so it is crucial that there is a common foundation on which to hold the marriage accountable. The last thing you want to be fighting about is your faith, whether or not to pray and your viewpoints on religion. Believe me, I’ve been there before. It is exhausting.
2. God is the center of his life.
He seeks God’s wisdom in all the decisions he makes.
“With wisdom are riches and honor, enduring wealth and prosperity. My fruit is better than fine gold; what I yield surpasses choice silver.” Proverbs 8:18-19
3. He has integrity and does not put himself in tempting situations.
He guards you against harm and protects the relationship. “Keep to a path far from evil, do not go near the door of that house, lest you give your best strength to others.” Proverbs 5:8-9
4. Seeks mentorship and counsel.
It is important that your man is wise in realizing he can’t carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. When he is surrounded by men who are older than him who can offer advice, prayer and mentorship, he can be a better husband to you. “The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.” Proverbs 12:15
5. He is slow to anger.
There is peace in knowing your man holds an even temperament even when he is provoked. A man who allows his feelings, emotions and anger to determine his actions typically has tarnished relationships and is not a healthy place for you or a family. “A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.” Proverbs 15:18
6. He holds strong conviction on the sacredness of fidelity.
A man is wise when he understand that infidelity and looking for pleasure outside of the marriage only brings strife. God actually calls him to rejoice over you all of his days. “May your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth…May you be ever captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress?” Proverbs 5:18-20.
7. He is honorable of your heart and emotional well-being.
I hated when a guy I was dating exposed my embarrassing moments or the private matters of our relationship with his friends. Picking on you may seem cute and funny at first, but it will get old after a while. You should feel honored and safe knowing you can always trust your husband to cover and speak well of you. “Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers,” Proverbs 5:17.
“Love each other deeply because love covers all wrongs.” 1 Peter 4:8.
8. He is disciplined in living a life of integrity.
Watch how he handles temptation or sticky situations that test his character. Does he choose to do what’s right even when no one is watching? It is imperative to observe these things because it will indicate if you can trust his decision making. When you’re married, almost all of his decisions impact you. “He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly.” Proverbs 5:23
9. Has solid work ethic.
“A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest- and poverty will come upon you like a thief and scarcity like an armed man.” Proverbs 6:10-11.
10. He pursues and loves you passionately.
The man you marry should make you feel loved like you’ve never felt before. Safe, accepted, desired, nurtured, protected and comforted. Jesus loves us deeply, he loves us so fiercely, that he willingly gave up his life to save us.
Pursues: “So Jacob worked seven years to pay for Rachel. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days.” Genesis 29:20.
Loves: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25.
11. Romances you.
I know women who feel guilty or wrong for desiring romance in their relationship, as if they don’t deserve it. But God desires for your heart to be romanced, just as He longs to romance us. “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine.” Song of Solomon 1:2
“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.” Song of Solomon 8:6.
12. He is humble and can admit when he is wrong.
There is nothing worse than a petty conflict blowing out of porportion because your partner refuses to admit they were wrong. Taking responsibility for his actions and apologizing for his mistakes is the sign of a real man. “Pride comes before destruction, and an arrogant spirit before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18
No person will be perfect and grace is a beautiful thing that makes relationships flourish. That being said, this list for single ladies is to give a basic framework of character traits to look for or recognize whether or not there is desire for growth. Of course, use common sense when someone amazing walks in to your life but wasn’t exactly what you dreamed up. God surprises us, but always gives us what we need.
“For I feel a divine jealousy for you, since I betrothed you to one husband…” 2 Corinthians 11:2.
Ultimately, your divine Father wants you to be treated in a way that it is compared with how Christ cares for us. It is up to us though to believe we are worthy, set the standard, and have the faith that God works in perfect timing to introduce you to your husband.
"Former Lesbian Jackie Hill Responds to Macklemore's 'Same Love'"
Former Lesbian Jackie Hill Responds to Macklemore’s ‘Same Love’
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Macklemore’s platinum-selling song “Same Love” suggests that homosexuals can’t change, but former lesbian spoken word poet Jackie Hill’s testimony contradicts this sentiment.“Someone’s lying,” Hill told Wade-O Radio.
Billboard pegged “Same Love” as the “Gay Equality Anthem” after it rose into the top 20 on Billboard’s Hot 100 list following two gay marriage Supreme Court rulings earlier this summer. Here is how Macklemore concludes the first verse of the song.
The right-wing conservatives think it’s a decision/And you can be cured with some treatment and religion/Man-made, rewiring of a pre-disposition, playing God/Ahh, nah, here we go/America the brave still fears what we don’t know/And “God loves all his children” is somehow forgotten/But we paraphrase a book written 3,500 years ago/I don’t know.“And I can’t change even if I tried, even if I wanted to,” starts the hook of “Same Love.”
Hill grew up in a fatherless home. As early as the age of four, she experienced gender confusion and felt like she should’ve been a boy. Her next birthday brought sexual abuse which only led to more misunderstanding.
By six years old, Hill began imitating male tendencies, even standing over the toilet to urinate. Homosexual desires emerged. She fondled girls on the playground as a kindergartener.
Homosexual dreams became frequent and Hill felt attracted to her female friends up until high school. No one knew. A sense of shame that haunted her since her sexual exploration on the playground kept her secret a secret.
A chance to share that secret surfaced at Hill’s senior homecoming when a girl who she had known since middle school flirted with her. Hill initially rejected the girl.
“That’s gay,” said Hill. “Get out of my face.”
Shortly after, the homosexual desires that had tempted Hill all of her life enticed her to reconsider.
“This is my chance to try it,” she thought sitting in her bed.
She did. And Hill was hooked.
She loved how it felt to be with a woman. Hill entered a relationship with her and later into another that lasted a year and a half. During her second relationship, her partner suggested that Hill dress like a stud—the female that dresses like a man, taking on the masculine role in a lesbian relationship.
“As a girl, I was never really called pretty, affirmed or was the focus attention of males,” said Hill. “When I started to dress that way and get all this crazy attention from these girls, it became deeper than lust. It was an addiction to people boosting my self-esteem.”
By the time Hill had entered another relationship, the conviction of her lifestyle began to overpower her sexual desires. She attended church until the age of 10 so God had been instilled in her mind early. The prayer and encouragement from her friend Taylor and Cousin Keisha kept God in the back of her mind and in October of 2008, Hill heard God send her a message as she lay in bed—the same place where she had originally decided to surrender to her homosexual desires.
“The girl who you’re with will be the death of you,” said Hill recalling the message. “At that time, my eyes were opened to that it wasn’t just homosexuality that would be the death of me. It was my complete and entire lifestyle. It’s not just, ‘You’re gay. You’re [also] lustful, you’re prideful, you’re a thief, you’re rebellious, you’re a masturbator and you’re a porn addict.’ I saw all of these things that deserved Hell and I really believed and saw that God would be just in sending me there.”
Given that Hill had just slept with her girlfriend the previous day, she credited God’s amazing grace for helping her do the exact thing that “Same Love” claims isn’t possible—change.
“What I would say to Macklemore is, if we believe the Bible is completely true and God breathed—which it is—then we need to deal with texts like 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.”
Here is the passage (NIV).
9 Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.“The word of God itself, apart from Jackie Hill, testifies that people can change,” she said. “So if the word of God is the word of God, then we need to deal with that and believe that it’s true. I think we’ve made God very little if we believe that he cannot change people. If he can make a moon, stars and a galaxy that we have yet to fully comprehend, how can he not simply change my desires?”
Those who defend homosexuality, such as Macklemore, argue that homosexual orientation is a predisposition. Even so, Hill stresses that predisposed homosexual desires aren’t an excuse to follow through with those desires.
“If God chooses not to change my desires, he has promised to give me his Holy Spirit that will help me flee from them,” she said. “There are people who were alcoholics for 20 years, went through rehab and they don’t drink anymore, but sometimes they may be tested. If they see a bottle of whiskey, they’re going to want that whisky, but they have a choice.”
Hill believes that everyone has the ability to submit to their desires—whether a homosexual, idolater, adulterer, thief, drunkard, slanderer or swindler—or repent and surrender their lives to Jesus Christ.
In the second verse of “Same Love,” Macklemore raised an issue that Hill likewise opposes—hate against the homosexual population. She lent advice to the Christian community which Macklemore had called out for its bigotry.
“[Christians] should remind themselves that they too once were bound by something,” said Hill. “I think sometimes Christians can look at homosexuals as if they are more a slave than the fornicator is.”
Hill received criticism from a viewer of her poem “My Life as a Stud,” which exposes homosexuality as a sin. The viewer cursed out Hill for doing so, all while claiming that God loves her and she loves God. The spoken word artist challenged the viewer by asking her to remove homosexuality from the picture and ask herself if God would be pleased with her life either way.
“That puts her in a position to see that this one sin is not her only issue,” said Hill. “It’s her whole heart. I think as Christians sometimes, it’s like a tree—we minister to the leaf and forget to minister to the root that caused the leaf to grow. The root is a heart that’s in rebellion against God so we need to approach it like, ‘I’m going to talk to this person as a human being that has an issue with sin.’”
Extinguishing that sin can’t be Christians’ only aim when approaching a homosexual, says Hill. They must offer a genuine, loving relationship. Anything less will be a waste of their time.
“Be authentic,” said Hill. “This generation doesn’t like fake people. Homosexuals don’t like fake people. If they already sense that your motive is to convert them, why would they want to talk to you? ‘You want to change what I love? Why would I want to do that?’ Befriend them. Care about them as a human being before you try to just change them into an apostle Paul overnight.”
You Found Me
"Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Were spent by the telephone
That never rang
And all I needed was a call
That never came
To the corner of First and Amistad
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me"
~The Fray<33
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Were spent by the telephone
That never rang
And all I needed was a call
That never came
To the corner of First and Amistad
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me"
~The Fray<33
Let It Go
"Let It Go"
The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation,
And it looks like I’m the Queen.
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried
Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
Well, now they know
Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don’t care
What they’re going to say
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway
It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all
It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I’m free
Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You’ll never see me cry
Here I stand
And here I'll stay
Let the storm rage on
My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I’m never going back,
The past is in the past
Let it go, let it go
When I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway
Not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation,
And it looks like I’m the Queen.
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried
Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
Well, now they know
Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don’t care
What they’re going to say
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway
It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all
It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I’m free
Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You’ll never see me cry
Here I stand
And here I'll stay
Let the storm rage on
My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I’m never going back,
The past is in the past
Let it go, let it go
When I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway
~Frozen
"Surround Yourself with Good People And Keep Breathing"
Surround Yourself With Good People And Keep Breathing.
- Posted on: 22 January 2014
- By: Allison Papenfuss
I'll always remember those words.
I sat there, crying at the funeral of a close friend whom we should have been moving into a dorm room, not burying. Then, a family friend, a man I've always respected—someone I call “Coach,” even though I never played for him—walked up to me. After hugging me, Coach told me some of the best advice I've ever received: "Sometimes all you can do is surround yourself with good people and keep breathing." Those words struck a chord with me and have stayed with me ever since.
I had grown up being that child full of energy, so I was lucky enough to find the sport of basketball, and with it, a drive to get better. Sports were what centered me, where I was able to get out my frustrations, and where I found the most peace. For other people, writing may be their escape, but for me, the best way to escape has always been going on a run, lifting weights, or even shooting baskets by myself, doing something to make me as physically exhausted as possible. The saying "The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea" was my motto. Since I was from Ohio, the sea wasn't the best option, but I knew nothing that a hard lift or a run couldn’t make better.
In my senior year of high school, things shifted. I was ready for a change, and it was almost time for college. I had accepted a Division I basketball scholarship, and the future seemed bright. But that year, I lost three very important people in my life. My best friend's mom, who was a second mother to me, passed away right as school was starting. After that, I also developed a stress fracture in my leg, so I was out for basketball season. That alone was very traumatic to me. The way I had defined myself was taken away, and I also worried my future was in jeopardy. Then, just as I was able to start playing again, my grandfather died. This was the man who had always supported me, my partner in crime. He told more people than I would have liked that I received a scholarship, just because he always wanted to brag about his grandchildren. While returning to basketball and being able to run helped me deal with my grandfather's death, I started to push people away. I didn't want to lose anyone else in my life, and I believed I would be able to protect myself through isolation. The summer passed, and on my first day of moving into the college dorms, I got a phone call: A good friend from my graduating class had passed away.
“Surround yourself with good people and keep breathing.”
It was at that friend’s funeral that Coach walked up to me and said those unforgettable words. It seems to me that such good advice shouldn't have come from a time of mourning, but it did. Of course, that advice didn't “fix” me right away.
After the funeral, I was lost, and it seemed that however many good people were around, they still couldn't save me. They tried, but I wasn’t letting them. Yet, those same people I had pushed away continued to stand next to me while I kept breathing. They were there when I got an underage consumption of alcohol charge, while I wondered what direction I was going with my life and made decisions no one ever should. And those same people have watched me grow and accepted my faults. Good people saved my life.
I've always been an athlete, so maybe hearing those words come from a coach meant more to me. I have always searched for the next challenge, whether in sports, running, or academics. Being young and stubborn led me to believe I didn't need people. The challenge was enough; I was enough. There was nothing I couldn't overcome just by working hard. But I was working myself to exhaustion, because I needed to prove to everyone that I would make it, I would make something of myself. Little did I know, I never needed to make “something” of myself to be worth something. I already was valuable to those people, simply because they cared about me. There was never a need to prove myself.
Life isn't always easy, but having the right people next to you can make it beautiful. That's the same reason I recently drove five hours in terrible winter weather, just to see a game and have dinner with a group of coaches I had spent three years confiding in. Good people still exist, and I can never repay the ones who have made sure I survived. Part of the reason I wrote this was for the chance to tell those people thank you. There will never be enough to say—but I know I can continue to thrive in life because I will always have good people around me, and together, we will keep breathing.
I sat there, crying at the funeral of a close friend whom we should have been moving into a dorm room, not burying. Then, a family friend, a man I've always respected—someone I call “Coach,” even though I never played for him—walked up to me. After hugging me, Coach told me some of the best advice I've ever received: "Sometimes all you can do is surround yourself with good people and keep breathing." Those words struck a chord with me and have stayed with me ever since.
I had grown up being that child full of energy, so I was lucky enough to find the sport of basketball, and with it, a drive to get better. Sports were what centered me, where I was able to get out my frustrations, and where I found the most peace. For other people, writing may be their escape, but for me, the best way to escape has always been going on a run, lifting weights, or even shooting baskets by myself, doing something to make me as physically exhausted as possible. The saying "The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea" was my motto. Since I was from Ohio, the sea wasn't the best option, but I knew nothing that a hard lift or a run couldn’t make better.
In my senior year of high school, things shifted. I was ready for a change, and it was almost time for college. I had accepted a Division I basketball scholarship, and the future seemed bright. But that year, I lost three very important people in my life. My best friend's mom, who was a second mother to me, passed away right as school was starting. After that, I also developed a stress fracture in my leg, so I was out for basketball season. That alone was very traumatic to me. The way I had defined myself was taken away, and I also worried my future was in jeopardy. Then, just as I was able to start playing again, my grandfather died. This was the man who had always supported me, my partner in crime. He told more people than I would have liked that I received a scholarship, just because he always wanted to brag about his grandchildren. While returning to basketball and being able to run helped me deal with my grandfather's death, I started to push people away. I didn't want to lose anyone else in my life, and I believed I would be able to protect myself through isolation. The summer passed, and on my first day of moving into the college dorms, I got a phone call: A good friend from my graduating class had passed away.
“Surround yourself with good people and keep breathing.”
It was at that friend’s funeral that Coach walked up to me and said those unforgettable words. It seems to me that such good advice shouldn't have come from a time of mourning, but it did. Of course, that advice didn't “fix” me right away.
After the funeral, I was lost, and it seemed that however many good people were around, they still couldn't save me. They tried, but I wasn’t letting them. Yet, those same people I had pushed away continued to stand next to me while I kept breathing. They were there when I got an underage consumption of alcohol charge, while I wondered what direction I was going with my life and made decisions no one ever should. And those same people have watched me grow and accepted my faults. Good people saved my life.
I've always been an athlete, so maybe hearing those words come from a coach meant more to me. I have always searched for the next challenge, whether in sports, running, or academics. Being young and stubborn led me to believe I didn't need people. The challenge was enough; I was enough. There was nothing I couldn't overcome just by working hard. But I was working myself to exhaustion, because I needed to prove to everyone that I would make it, I would make something of myself. Little did I know, I never needed to make “something” of myself to be worth something. I already was valuable to those people, simply because they cared about me. There was never a need to prove myself.
Life isn't always easy, but having the right people next to you can make it beautiful. That's the same reason I recently drove five hours in terrible winter weather, just to see a game and have dinner with a group of coaches I had spent three years confiding in. Good people still exist, and I can never repay the ones who have made sure I survived. Part of the reason I wrote this was for the chance to tell those people thank you. There will never be enough to say—but I know I can continue to thrive in life because I will always have good people around me, and together, we will keep breathing.
"They Have It Wrong"
They Have It Wrong.
- Posted on: 27 January 2014
- By: Amanda Long
Suicide.
Yes, I said the dreaded “s” word. Suicide: a taboo subject in our culture. We’re sometimes afraid to even mutter the word for fear of the reaction we will get from those around us. There are many stigmas associated with suicide. But those of us whose lives have been impacted by suicide have an opportunity, even a responsibility, to break the stigma by bringing awareness to society.
I think the first step is to banish the word “commit” when discussing suicide. It is my understanding this term came into use many years ago when it was deemed a crime to harm oneself. Now doctors realize there are many mental illnesses that contribute to suicide. In over 90 percent of cases where suicide is the cause of death, the individual has a history of mental illness. With suicide, the victim takes his or her own life—but they do not “commit” suicide. The victim has likely lived with a disease. I use the word “victim” because he or she did not choose to have this disease any more than another chooses to suffer from a physical disease. No one commits cancer. No one commits a heart attack. No one commits diabetes. No one commits depression. So why would we use the word “commit” with suicide? Instead, we need to say that he or she died by suicide, or that they have taken their own life.
Society has also led us to believe we will always know when someone wants to harm themselves. Many assume potential victims will do everything short of wearing a label to point out their depression. While there are a number of signs, some subtle and some more obvious, which indicate someone may be contemplating suicide, I also know firsthand that some preconceived notions about suicide can be wrong.
I lost my brother to suicide five months ago. We had a happy childhood. Our parents did everything in their power to make sure we knew we were loved. My brother went to college and had a ton of friends. He had a great job. He was married with children. He was the kind of guy who could light up the room with his smile, instantly bringing everyone joy. We knew he wasn’t at his happiest point in life, but he put on a good front. We never expected him to take his own life. Never. Not once did he threaten to take his own life prior to his death. Two days before his suicide, we were together and had a wonderful time. I did not have even the tiniest thought that he would go home and take his own life 48 hours later.
This, my friends, is sometimes the true picture of suicide. Some people in deep depression, like my brother, will only let you in so much. You may only be allowed to glimpse a small piece of the puzzle of their life, when in fact, they live in a world of hurt and despair deeper and darker than you might imagine.
Suicide does not discriminate. Yes, society has led us to believe there is a clear picture of those individuals who would take their own lives, but there’s not a checklist. Rich or poor, black or white, homosexual or heterosexual, single or married with children, Christian or atheist, upper or lower class … it doesn’t matter. Depression, the leading cause of suicide, also affects every walk of life. No one is immune to this disease, and we need to break this stigma as well so we can reach people wherever they’re at.
We’ve been led to believe suicide is the “selfish” way out, that victims of suicide have chosen to take their own lives because they don’t want to face their problems. I believe the vast majority of those who take their own life do not see it as a “choice.” They are in such a deep pit that they are unable to see beyond themselves. They can’t begin to understand how ending their lives will affect their loved ones. They truly believe the world will be a better place without them. I believe with all my heart that if my brother had been capable of looking outside of his pain and turmoil, he would never have taken his own life. He loved his family, and he would have never hurt us intentionally. We have to teach people that suicide is often the endpoint of an illness, and we need to find ways to prevent it.
Five months after my brother’s death, we are still finding missing pieces to the puzzle of his depression. That’s hard to come to terms with. I loved my brother with all of my heart, but my love alone was not enough to save him. Saving lives and preventing suicide depends on much more; it depends on treatment, on open conversations, on the desire to seek help, and on a stigma-free environment in which to do so.
We’ve all been touched by suicide in one form or another. As those who have survived, or as those who have been left behind, we have a responsibility to challenge the stigma associated with suicide. Educate your friends. Educate your families. Spread the word. Love each other. Be kind to one another. Please join me and help break the stigma.
Yes, I said the dreaded “s” word. Suicide: a taboo subject in our culture. We’re sometimes afraid to even mutter the word for fear of the reaction we will get from those around us. There are many stigmas associated with suicide. But those of us whose lives have been impacted by suicide have an opportunity, even a responsibility, to break the stigma by bringing awareness to society.
I think the first step is to banish the word “commit” when discussing suicide. It is my understanding this term came into use many years ago when it was deemed a crime to harm oneself. Now doctors realize there are many mental illnesses that contribute to suicide. In over 90 percent of cases where suicide is the cause of death, the individual has a history of mental illness. With suicide, the victim takes his or her own life—but they do not “commit” suicide. The victim has likely lived with a disease. I use the word “victim” because he or she did not choose to have this disease any more than another chooses to suffer from a physical disease. No one commits cancer. No one commits a heart attack. No one commits diabetes. No one commits depression. So why would we use the word “commit” with suicide? Instead, we need to say that he or she died by suicide, or that they have taken their own life.
Society has also led us to believe we will always know when someone wants to harm themselves. Many assume potential victims will do everything short of wearing a label to point out their depression. While there are a number of signs, some subtle and some more obvious, which indicate someone may be contemplating suicide, I also know firsthand that some preconceived notions about suicide can be wrong.
I lost my brother to suicide five months ago. We had a happy childhood. Our parents did everything in their power to make sure we knew we were loved. My brother went to college and had a ton of friends. He had a great job. He was married with children. He was the kind of guy who could light up the room with his smile, instantly bringing everyone joy. We knew he wasn’t at his happiest point in life, but he put on a good front. We never expected him to take his own life. Never. Not once did he threaten to take his own life prior to his death. Two days before his suicide, we were together and had a wonderful time. I did not have even the tiniest thought that he would go home and take his own life 48 hours later.
This, my friends, is sometimes the true picture of suicide. Some people in deep depression, like my brother, will only let you in so much. You may only be allowed to glimpse a small piece of the puzzle of their life, when in fact, they live in a world of hurt and despair deeper and darker than you might imagine.
Suicide does not discriminate. Yes, society has led us to believe there is a clear picture of those individuals who would take their own lives, but there’s not a checklist. Rich or poor, black or white, homosexual or heterosexual, single or married with children, Christian or atheist, upper or lower class … it doesn’t matter. Depression, the leading cause of suicide, also affects every walk of life. No one is immune to this disease, and we need to break this stigma as well so we can reach people wherever they’re at.
We’ve been led to believe suicide is the “selfish” way out, that victims of suicide have chosen to take their own lives because they don’t want to face their problems. I believe the vast majority of those who take their own life do not see it as a “choice.” They are in such a deep pit that they are unable to see beyond themselves. They can’t begin to understand how ending their lives will affect their loved ones. They truly believe the world will be a better place without them. I believe with all my heart that if my brother had been capable of looking outside of his pain and turmoil, he would never have taken his own life. He loved his family, and he would have never hurt us intentionally. We have to teach people that suicide is often the endpoint of an illness, and we need to find ways to prevent it.
Five months after my brother’s death, we are still finding missing pieces to the puzzle of his depression. That’s hard to come to terms with. I loved my brother with all of my heart, but my love alone was not enough to save him. Saving lives and preventing suicide depends on much more; it depends on treatment, on open conversations, on the desire to seek help, and on a stigma-free environment in which to do so.
We’ve all been touched by suicide in one form or another. As those who have survived, or as those who have been left behind, we have a responsibility to challenge the stigma associated with suicide. Educate your friends. Educate your families. Spread the word. Love each other. Be kind to one another. Please join me and help break the stigma.
Monday, January 13, 2014
Revelation 12
"A great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head. 2 She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth. 3 Then another sign appeared in heaven: an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on its heads. 4 Its tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that it might devour her child the moment he was born."
~Revelation 12:1-4 <33
Romans 10:8
"In fact, it says, "The message is very close at hand; it is on your lips and in your heart." And that message is the very message about faith that we preach"
~Romans 10:8
"Stand In The Rain"
"Stand In The Rain"
She never slows down.
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like its all coming down
She won't turn around
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain
She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down.
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, what's lost can be found
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like its all coming down
She won't turn around
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain
She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down.
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, what's lost can be found
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain
"The Healing Power Of Art"
The Healing Power of Art.
- Posted on: 24 September 2013
- By: Lisa Bonet
If you have ever recognized your own thoughts and experiences in a piece of art or felt as if you were connected somehow to a fictional character, you already know how influential art can be. What you might not have realized is that art can also help break down the barriers and stigma that can divide and isolate us, and that creating art for yourself can even help to heal your mind and body. Many people have experienced these healing powers of art throughout history, and there is more than enough reason to believe that using your own creativity can help keep you healthy today.
Personal works created by people who were driven simply by the need to express themselves show us how important exploring our creative sides can be. Some of the earliest and most moving examples of people using creativity to heal are found in the Prinzhorn Collection in Germany. It includes the work of about 450 people, all of whom were living in psychiatric institutions between 1880 and 1920, and it gives us a unique insight into what life was like for these artists. The collection even inspired professionals such as Picasso, Max Ernst, and Paul Klee. One of the most famous and interesting pieces is the hospital jacket that was tailored and embroidered by Agnes Richter. The jacket is covered with intricate strings of words, of which only small passages are now readable. Even though we can't tell exactly what Richter wanted to say, it is clear she felt the urge to record her own story and express herself with the only materials she had on hand: a needle and thread. She was not given the chance to write or paint or encouraged to find unique ways of understanding herself, but she managed to create a beautiful record of her own story anyway.
Creative endeavors were rarely encouraged for people suffering from trauma or illness in Richter’s time. In some cases, doctors misguidedly even tried to prevent those in their care from writing or painting. Charlotte Perkins Gilman's short story “The Yellow Wallpaper,” written in 1892, around the same time that Agnes Richter was embroidering her jacket, describes this sort of experience. Gilman hoped that in writing about the treatment from the patient's perspective, she would be able to convince doctors of the harm such methods cause. The much-discussed story made a strong case that has helped affect attitudes toward art in medicine.
It is partly due to artists like Gilman and Richter that the importance of creativity has now been recognized—but it often takes science to provoke real change. Psychologists like Professor Jamie Pennebaker have produced necessary research, which is enough to show even the most reluctant artist that the power of expression goes much further than we might expect. Pennebaker asked people to write about their most upsetting and traumatic experiences in a journal, and then measured the effects. He found that spending just 15 minutes a day writing for four days produced significant increases in wellbeing, even when the journals were kept private. He also noticed there was a shift in the type of language the writers were using. At the beginning, they were very focused on their own emotions, with sentences based on “I” and “me”. Toward the end, people were writing more thoughtfully, trying to understand what had really happened, and talking about “we” and “us,” rather than just themselves. Pennebaker found reliable scientific proof of the ability of art to strengthen people and help build empathy, community, and human connection.
Many modern artists continue to pull inspiration from their darkest days and show others that we are not alone when we feel at our worst. The artist Bobby Baker documented her experiences of mental illness, self-harm, and cancer in a journal filled with images that expressed her conflicted self-image, while cartoonist Ally Brosh used her illustrations as a means of explaining her depression to other people. Works like these have helped break down barriers and encourage discussion of serious issues like mental health and self-injury, while also helping the artists heal.
Because of examples like the ones above, creative therapies have now become part of the treatment for many sorts of illnesses. Doctors in some parts of the world even recommend art as an essential part of treatment for patients diagnosed with mental illnesses like schizophrenia. Expression of all types, from writing to dance, drama to painting, has been used to help people deal with negative emotions and symptoms. People have used art therapy to overcome traumatic experiences and PTSD or to cope with addiction recovery and symptoms of substance abuse, like insomnia and depression. Treatment programs for addiction and mental illness often include the chance to try some art therapy, and for many, this is an opportunity that will play a significant part in their recoveries. It’s increasingly clear that participating in these types of therapies can help to improve both physical health and quality of life.
The best works of art equip us to empathize with people whose worlds may be completely different from our own. They provide a space in which we can explore our own feelings, while at the same time allowing us to communicate these personal experiences—and ultimately, hope—to the people around us. Whether you find yourself in another’s piece or prefer creating your own, don’t underestimate art’s healing power.
How has art had an impact on your mental health? What forms of expression influence you most? Tell us more in the comments below.
Personal works created by people who were driven simply by the need to express themselves show us how important exploring our creative sides can be. Some of the earliest and most moving examples of people using creativity to heal are found in the Prinzhorn Collection in Germany. It includes the work of about 450 people, all of whom were living in psychiatric institutions between 1880 and 1920, and it gives us a unique insight into what life was like for these artists. The collection even inspired professionals such as Picasso, Max Ernst, and Paul Klee. One of the most famous and interesting pieces is the hospital jacket that was tailored and embroidered by Agnes Richter. The jacket is covered with intricate strings of words, of which only small passages are now readable. Even though we can't tell exactly what Richter wanted to say, it is clear she felt the urge to record her own story and express herself with the only materials she had on hand: a needle and thread. She was not given the chance to write or paint or encouraged to find unique ways of understanding herself, but she managed to create a beautiful record of her own story anyway.
Creative endeavors were rarely encouraged for people suffering from trauma or illness in Richter’s time. In some cases, doctors misguidedly even tried to prevent those in their care from writing or painting. Charlotte Perkins Gilman's short story “The Yellow Wallpaper,” written in 1892, around the same time that Agnes Richter was embroidering her jacket, describes this sort of experience. Gilman hoped that in writing about the treatment from the patient's perspective, she would be able to convince doctors of the harm such methods cause. The much-discussed story made a strong case that has helped affect attitudes toward art in medicine.
It is partly due to artists like Gilman and Richter that the importance of creativity has now been recognized—but it often takes science to provoke real change. Psychologists like Professor Jamie Pennebaker have produced necessary research, which is enough to show even the most reluctant artist that the power of expression goes much further than we might expect. Pennebaker asked people to write about their most upsetting and traumatic experiences in a journal, and then measured the effects. He found that spending just 15 minutes a day writing for four days produced significant increases in wellbeing, even when the journals were kept private. He also noticed there was a shift in the type of language the writers were using. At the beginning, they were very focused on their own emotions, with sentences based on “I” and “me”. Toward the end, people were writing more thoughtfully, trying to understand what had really happened, and talking about “we” and “us,” rather than just themselves. Pennebaker found reliable scientific proof of the ability of art to strengthen people and help build empathy, community, and human connection.
Many modern artists continue to pull inspiration from their darkest days and show others that we are not alone when we feel at our worst. The artist Bobby Baker documented her experiences of mental illness, self-harm, and cancer in a journal filled with images that expressed her conflicted self-image, while cartoonist Ally Brosh used her illustrations as a means of explaining her depression to other people. Works like these have helped break down barriers and encourage discussion of serious issues like mental health and self-injury, while also helping the artists heal.
Because of examples like the ones above, creative therapies have now become part of the treatment for many sorts of illnesses. Doctors in some parts of the world even recommend art as an essential part of treatment for patients diagnosed with mental illnesses like schizophrenia. Expression of all types, from writing to dance, drama to painting, has been used to help people deal with negative emotions and symptoms. People have used art therapy to overcome traumatic experiences and PTSD or to cope with addiction recovery and symptoms of substance abuse, like insomnia and depression. Treatment programs for addiction and mental illness often include the chance to try some art therapy, and for many, this is an opportunity that will play a significant part in their recoveries. It’s increasingly clear that participating in these types of therapies can help to improve both physical health and quality of life.
The best works of art equip us to empathize with people whose worlds may be completely different from our own. They provide a space in which we can explore our own feelings, while at the same time allowing us to communicate these personal experiences—and ultimately, hope—to the people around us. Whether you find yourself in another’s piece or prefer creating your own, don’t underestimate art’s healing power.
How has art had an impact on your mental health? What forms of expression influence you most? Tell us more in the comments below.
"On Doing Nothing"
On Doing Nothing.
- Posted on: 21 November 2013
- By: Chad Moses
When we talk about people, we talk about beings who are vastly complex. Every answer we find is met with a deep sigh and the realization that we are still far from solving what makes us truly us. People are patterned, yet never formulaic.
This summer, I met a man named Kevin* who announced his loss to anyone who cared to listen. He wasn’t loud or “Woe is me” about it, but he showed his grief with a quiet sort of boldness. Invitationally. He wore it as a tattered black armband, just gilded enough to catch your eye. He mentioned the band was made from his “wings,” and though I didn’t pursue that further, it seemed to Kevin to be a necessary detail—an inside joke to keep his smirk smoldering, even while his face felt numb.
“I’m wearing this because I’m wounded. This is worn for my partner and me—we didn’t work out.”
He told me he is following a forgotten tradition. He saw a wisdom in how Victorian folk used their clothes to express truths about one’s life. Black garb symbolized loss, and sometimes people would wear black for up to a year. Kevin said he made a commitment a while back that he would be more forthcoming with others and more honest with himself; the armband is a manifestation of that.
I can relate to this loss, and you likely can too. Maybe you did the leaving, or maybe you were left, or maybe it was an agreement. It may have felt more volcanic, violently tectonic. If not earth-shattering, perhaps it was at least a shuffling of plates, finding new faults in places and people we once believed to be whole.
With all this perceived moving and shaking, perhaps Kevin sees his role as simply to stay put, as if waiting for the earth to calm and a blanket of ash to fall. Stillness is a gift, if we care to accept it, but we so often need an outside voice to remind us of this option.
When I look back on the nights that I would self-medicate or self-harm, it was most often driven by this desire to just do something. I felt as if I had to fix whatever chaos was dizzying me, when all along, doing nothing was completely acceptable. By “doing nothing,” I don’t mean being lazy or apathetic; in fact, I mean the opposite. I simply mean being still enough to realize this world is big; still enough to believe every tree is competing to fill my lungs; still enough to accept that whatever is broken, or burnt, or buried, or severed can still be restored; still enough to find comfort in the fact that constellations are still being created. Still ...
When I had had enough, what I really meant was that I was full of all the worst things and lacked an outlet. The option existed all along to just be still and let life happen. Being still doesn’t mean journeying alone. I think it means acknowledging life in the places we most often overlook, watching, being awake to all that is going on, both inside and out.
Even in his stillness, Kevin did rise from that initial pain, and as he rose, he took with him his torn remnants. His wings were diminished to a rag, and for as long as he needs it, it will be the last thing he puts on every morning. In mourning, it is his first conscious thought. And though this blackness is that last thing he ties on, it is also the first thing he sheds every night. One of these days, I believe, he’ll forget to put it back on.
—Chad Moses
*Name is changed to respect the privacy of the individual."Giving Thanks Everyday"
Giving Thanks, Every Day.
- Posted on: 28 November 2013
- By: Ashlyn Alyce Yo...
Thanksgiving looks a little different for everybody, doesn’t it? Maybe you get up early to see your favorite floats on the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Maybe you eat a simple meal with immediate family, or an expansive potluck spread with a large gathering of friends and neighbors. Maybe it calls for intermittent napping during an afternoon of football games. Maybe you wear your favorite sweater, and reminisce under dim lamplight, and go to bed early so you have energy for Black Friday shopping.
Or perhaps your holiday doesn’t so closely resemble the ones in the commercials. Maybe you’re alone. Maybe you’re caught in the crossfire of family estrangement. Maybe Thanksgiving is just another day off of work or school, and you don’t have any special plans. Maybe the money, or the time, or the people just aren’t there to warrant any feasting. Maybe all the celebration is, to you, a stressful nightmare you must fake your way through. Maybe the faces that used to make this day meaningful are no longer around your dining room table.
At TWLOHA, whenever a significant holiday rolls around (and for our supporters in the United States, this is usually considered a significant one), we want to remember and include those whose struggles might trump the warmth of tradition. The truth is, this is the case for a great number of people, and it’s important to acknowledge those experiences. But while our observances of Thanksgiving may vary greatly, there is something that unites us today—and that is our very need to give and receive thanks.
Recently, I watched a short TED Talk from a few years ago by a counselor named Laura Trice. In it, she talks about how vital it is to hear and give praise—and yet, people are often very hesitant to ask for it. She says that, sometimes, the most authentic way to express gratitude is to ask people what kind of praise they need to hear, as well as to tell others the areas in which we need more affirmation. This goes against our instincts, right? It’s a challenge in vulnerability. But Trice suggests, “Be honest about the praise that you need to hear. What do you need to hear? … Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.”
Everybody deserves to be both a recipient and a giver of these simple words: “Thank you.”
Whatever your circumstances are today, you can get that cycle of gratitude going in your own life. It doesn’t have to be a holiday; it doesn’t have to take place around an autumnal centerpiece; it doesn’t have to be perfect. Just start saying thank you. For the roof over your head, and the shoes on your feet, and the food on your plate—say thank you. For the counsel you’ve received from a co-worker, a spouse, a therapist—say thank you. For the things people are simply expected to do, day after day, and do well anyway—say thank you. For the phone or the computer you are reading this on—say thank you. For the long-distance friend who somehow always knows when to text you—say thank you. For the book that changed your life, and the pet that is always excited to see you, and the tutoring session from the classmate who owed you nothing, and the unexpected dollars in the tip jar, and the parent who is trying their absolute hardest, and the stranger who said, “No, after you,” and the sun that somehow, no matter what, slowly and gently wakes the world up each morning—say thank you.
Say thank you.
And then, see how that starts coming back around to you—and maybe ask for it from time to time. Don’t be afraid to say, “I’m doing my best here. Did you notice? I’m growing, I’m trying, I’m moving forward—and I’d love your encouragement along the way.”
If you’ve gotten this far into this blog post, we’d also like to say thank you. Thanks for supporting TWLOHA and believing that people can be more, can get better, can work together. We’re grateful you’re a part of this community we talk so much about. And happy thanks-giving.
"Welcome To Midnight"
Welcome to Midnight.
- Posted on: 17 December 2013
- By: Jamie Tworkowski
Welcome back to "Welcome to Midnight." The words below were posted two years ago and while i'm proud of what i wrote, i'm more excited about the words that followed—tweets and posts from folks all over the world, people talking about what they hoped to leave behind and what they hoped to find in the new year. Our hope for Year #3 is to see "Welcome to Midnight" continue to grow. We're rolling up our sleeves and doing our best to make it better than ever. We even made a shirt to celebrate!
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
One.
The ball drops and fireworks. Resolutions are made.
People scream and people kiss and is it possible to change?
Is it really truly possible to leave the past behind?
Welcome to Midnight.
Another year comes to a close. Another year begins.
With a moment in between.
Why the fuss?
Why the fame and fireworks?
Is it more than hype? More than something else to sell us?
Is there something to this holiday? Something true inside it?
Because isn't there something inside us that aches for change...
Dreams it to be possible...
To let go.
To hold on.
To leave it behind.
To start again.
To be new.
Is it possible?
If you're reading this, if there's air in your lungs, then you're alive today tonight right now.
And who can know how long we have here...
And is it a gift? Was it ever a gift? Did that ever feel true or could that one day feel true?
Are there things to fight to live for?
Moments and people... Weddings and children and all your different dreams...
Love...
Is your life more than just your own?
And are there broken things you were made to fight to fix?
Broken families, broken friends... Injustice.
Will you move for things that matter?
Wouldn't it be nice if change took just a moment?
Wouldn't it be nice if it were that easy?
Midnight and we're new. Midnight and the past erased. Midnight and we're free.
It seems to come slow. It seems to be a surgery.
Forgiveness. Healing. Sobriety. Letting go. Starting over.
It seems to happen slowly over time.
One day at a time, the choice made new each morning.
Will you fight?
Will you fight to be healthy?
Will you fight to be free?
Will you fight for your story?
Will you fight to get the help you need?
Change takes more than a moment, but maybe there's also something to this celebration of a moment, something to the way it speaks to us, something to the way we fear it, and dream it to be true. Maybe it's the most honest moment of the year.
It's possible to change.
Welcome to Midnight.
Here's to the possibilities.
Peace to You.
jamie
We would love to hear from you. We would love to hear what this blog and these questions spark in you, what you're wrestling with and what you're excited about as that famous midnight approaches.
**********************************************************Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
One.
The ball drops and fireworks. Resolutions are made.
People scream and people kiss and is it possible to change?
Is it really truly possible to leave the past behind?
Welcome to Midnight.
Another year comes to a close. Another year begins.
With a moment in between.
Why the fuss?
Why the fame and fireworks?
Is it more than hype? More than something else to sell us?
Is there something to this holiday? Something true inside it?
Because isn't there something inside us that aches for change...
Dreams it to be possible...
To let go.
To hold on.
To leave it behind.
To start again.
To be new.
Is it possible?
If you're reading this, if there's air in your lungs, then you're alive today tonight right now.
And who can know how long we have here...
And is it a gift? Was it ever a gift? Did that ever feel true or could that one day feel true?
Are there things to fight to live for?
Moments and people... Weddings and children and all your different dreams...
Love...
Is your life more than just your own?
And are there broken things you were made to fight to fix?
Broken families, broken friends... Injustice.
Will you move for things that matter?
Wouldn't it be nice if change took just a moment?
Wouldn't it be nice if it were that easy?
Midnight and we're new. Midnight and the past erased. Midnight and we're free.
It seems to come slow. It seems to be a surgery.
Forgiveness. Healing. Sobriety. Letting go. Starting over.
It seems to happen slowly over time.
One day at a time, the choice made new each morning.
Will you fight?
Will you fight to be healthy?
Will you fight to be free?
Will you fight for your story?
Will you fight to get the help you need?
Change takes more than a moment, but maybe there's also something to this celebration of a moment, something to the way it speaks to us, something to the way we fear it, and dream it to be true. Maybe it's the most honest moment of the year.
It's possible to change.
Welcome to Midnight.
Here's to the possibilities.
Peace to You.
jamie
"I am here because i care."
I Am Here Because I Care.
- Posted on: 27 December 2013
- By: Andrea West
I have never known what it feels like to have depression. I have never personally dealt with self-injury. I don’t know what the experience of an anxiety attack really entails. I don’t know what it is like to be a slave to an addiction. I don’t know—but I care.
At the beginning of my internship with TWLOHA, I questioned seriously if I belonged here. How could I do anything to help others if I didn’t know exactly what it was like to walk through a fight within my own mind? It seemed like everyone else I worked with had gone through something so much bigger than them. They could offer firsthand experience and advice to anyone who asked for it. But how could I ask people to seek counseling when I had never walked into a counselor’s office in my life? How could I share in someone else’s pain when I had never felt it to that degree? I felt like I was an outsider to this experience I could never truly understand. And yet, I was here. And I cared about our cause more than anything. There had to be a reason, there had to be a purpose.
We talk a lot about our stories here, almost constantly. I know the stories of each one of my roommates. If you ask them to tell theirs, they know exactly where to start. “This is what I battled, this is how I fought, this is how I got here.” That’s how it goes. I listen, and I listen. But I never consider myself a storyteller, too. I have always assumed I had nothing to speak of—until I thought long and hard about why I am here and why I left everything to devote my life to this cause this fall.
I am a storyteller, because of the characters who share my journey with me. Early in my life, I developed an identity as a listener and a confidant. It was my instinct to leave my heart open and let anyone rest there if they needed to. I approached every relationship with a hunger to learn people. I learned happiness and hope, but I also learned a lot more about pain and fear.
I am thankful for the pain I learned. By being allowed to know the whole of a person, I can take a chance and fight with them. I treasure each wall I have seen broken down. I hold each story I have heard as a part of my own. They are the most delicate and precious gifts I can ever hope to receive. Knowing the truth and honesty of those around me also means they are healing, and they are trusting me to be in their corner. There is nothing in this life I value more than that. Nothing.
My purpose here is to show people that you don’t necessarily have to encounter these issues directly to be involved in the fight against them. You can still show people who are struggling that they need to give others a chance to fight alongside them. You both deserve to know each other, to know what the other is feeling.
For those of you who are afraid of being a burden to others, especially to those who you think might not understand: I urge you to reconsider. Honesty and truth will strengthen your relationships more than silence ever can. A fake smile will never bring you closer to healing than the embrace of a friend. You are giving a gift by writing your story into the stories of others. You are giving them the chance to love you and to learn from that love.
I know what it is like to love someone with depression. I know the feeling of hugging a friend who struggles through self-injury. I know the experience of watching a family member fight through an anxiety attack. I know what it is like to see someone battle with an addiction. I know the pain of hearing that someone I love would try to end his or her own life. But I have also seen people, in each of these situations, embrace and live in recovery. This has made my relationships meaningful, significant, and true. This has made me care about speaking up and breaking walls.
I care. I am here, because I care.
— Andrea, TWLOHA Fall 2013 Intern
At the beginning of my internship with TWLOHA, I questioned seriously if I belonged here. How could I do anything to help others if I didn’t know exactly what it was like to walk through a fight within my own mind? It seemed like everyone else I worked with had gone through something so much bigger than them. They could offer firsthand experience and advice to anyone who asked for it. But how could I ask people to seek counseling when I had never walked into a counselor’s office in my life? How could I share in someone else’s pain when I had never felt it to that degree? I felt like I was an outsider to this experience I could never truly understand. And yet, I was here. And I cared about our cause more than anything. There had to be a reason, there had to be a purpose.
We talk a lot about our stories here, almost constantly. I know the stories of each one of my roommates. If you ask them to tell theirs, they know exactly where to start. “This is what I battled, this is how I fought, this is how I got here.” That’s how it goes. I listen, and I listen. But I never consider myself a storyteller, too. I have always assumed I had nothing to speak of—until I thought long and hard about why I am here and why I left everything to devote my life to this cause this fall.
I am a storyteller, because of the characters who share my journey with me. Early in my life, I developed an identity as a listener and a confidant. It was my instinct to leave my heart open and let anyone rest there if they needed to. I approached every relationship with a hunger to learn people. I learned happiness and hope, but I also learned a lot more about pain and fear.
I am thankful for the pain I learned. By being allowed to know the whole of a person, I can take a chance and fight with them. I treasure each wall I have seen broken down. I hold each story I have heard as a part of my own. They are the most delicate and precious gifts I can ever hope to receive. Knowing the truth and honesty of those around me also means they are healing, and they are trusting me to be in their corner. There is nothing in this life I value more than that. Nothing.
My purpose here is to show people that you don’t necessarily have to encounter these issues directly to be involved in the fight against them. You can still show people who are struggling that they need to give others a chance to fight alongside them. You both deserve to know each other, to know what the other is feeling.
For those of you who are afraid of being a burden to others, especially to those who you think might not understand: I urge you to reconsider. Honesty and truth will strengthen your relationships more than silence ever can. A fake smile will never bring you closer to healing than the embrace of a friend. You are giving a gift by writing your story into the stories of others. You are giving them the chance to love you and to learn from that love.
I know what it is like to love someone with depression. I know the feeling of hugging a friend who struggles through self-injury. I know the experience of watching a family member fight through an anxiety attack. I know what it is like to see someone battle with an addiction. I know the pain of hearing that someone I love would try to end his or her own life. But I have also seen people, in each of these situations, embrace and live in recovery. This has made my relationships meaningful, significant, and true. This has made me care about speaking up and breaking walls.
I care. I am here, because I care.
— Andrea, TWLOHA Fall 2013 Intern
"I am here because i care."
I Am Here Because I Care.
- Posted on: 27 December 2013
- By: Andrea West
I have never known what it feels like to have depression. I have never personally dealt with self-injury. I don’t know what the experience of an anxiety attack really entails. I don’t know what it is like to be a slave to an addiction. I don’t know—but I care.
At the beginning of my internship with TWLOHA, I questioned seriously if I belonged here. How could I do anything to help others if I didn’t know exactly what it was like to walk through a fight within my own mind? It seemed like everyone else I worked with had gone through something so much bigger than them. They could offer firsthand experience and advice to anyone who asked for it. But how could I ask people to seek counseling when I had never walked into a counselor’s office in my life? How could I share in someone else’s pain when I had never felt it to that degree? I felt like I was an outsider to this experience I could never truly understand. And yet, I was here. And I cared about our cause more than anything. There had to be a reason, there had to be a purpose.
We talk a lot about our stories here, almost constantly. I know the stories of each one of my roommates. If you ask them to tell theirs, they know exactly where to start. “This is what I battled, this is how I fought, this is how I got here.” That’s how it goes. I listen, and I listen. But I never consider myself a storyteller, too. I have always assumed I had nothing to speak of—until I thought long and hard about why I am here and why I left everything to devote my life to this cause this fall.
I am a storyteller, because of the characters who share my journey with me. Early in my life, I developed an identity as a listener and a confidant. It was my instinct to leave my heart open and let anyone rest there if they needed to. I approached every relationship with a hunger to learn people. I learned happiness and hope, but I also learned a lot more about pain and fear.
I am thankful for the pain I learned. By being allowed to know the whole of a person, I can take a chance and fight with them. I treasure each wall I have seen broken down. I hold each story I have heard as a part of my own. They are the most delicate and precious gifts I can ever hope to receive. Knowing the truth and honesty of those around me also means they are healing, and they are trusting me to be in their corner. There is nothing in this life I value more than that. Nothing.
My purpose here is to show people that you don’t necessarily have to encounter these issues directly to be involved in the fight against them. You can still show people who are struggling that they need to give others a chance to fight alongside them. You both deserve to know each other, to know what the other is feeling.
For those of you who are afraid of being a burden to others, especially to those who you think might not understand: I urge you to reconsider. Honesty and truth will strengthen your relationships more than silence ever can. A fake smile will never bring you closer to healing than the embrace of a friend. You are giving a gift by writing your story into the stories of others. You are giving them the chance to love you and to learn from that love.
I know what it is like to love someone with depression. I know the feeling of hugging a friend who struggles through self-injury. I know the experience of watching a family member fight through an anxiety attack. I know what it is like to see someone battle with an addiction. I know the pain of hearing that someone I love would try to end his or her own life. But I have also seen people, in each of these situations, embrace and live in recovery. This has made my relationships meaningful, significant, and true. This has made me care about speaking up and breaking walls.
I care. I am here, because I care.
— Andrea, TWLOHA Fall 2013 Intern
At the beginning of my internship with TWLOHA, I questioned seriously if I belonged here. How could I do anything to help others if I didn’t know exactly what it was like to walk through a fight within my own mind? It seemed like everyone else I worked with had gone through something so much bigger than them. They could offer firsthand experience and advice to anyone who asked for it. But how could I ask people to seek counseling when I had never walked into a counselor’s office in my life? How could I share in someone else’s pain when I had never felt it to that degree? I felt like I was an outsider to this experience I could never truly understand. And yet, I was here. And I cared about our cause more than anything. There had to be a reason, there had to be a purpose.
We talk a lot about our stories here, almost constantly. I know the stories of each one of my roommates. If you ask them to tell theirs, they know exactly where to start. “This is what I battled, this is how I fought, this is how I got here.” That’s how it goes. I listen, and I listen. But I never consider myself a storyteller, too. I have always assumed I had nothing to speak of—until I thought long and hard about why I am here and why I left everything to devote my life to this cause this fall.
I am a storyteller, because of the characters who share my journey with me. Early in my life, I developed an identity as a listener and a confidant. It was my instinct to leave my heart open and let anyone rest there if they needed to. I approached every relationship with a hunger to learn people. I learned happiness and hope, but I also learned a lot more about pain and fear.
I am thankful for the pain I learned. By being allowed to know the whole of a person, I can take a chance and fight with them. I treasure each wall I have seen broken down. I hold each story I have heard as a part of my own. They are the most delicate and precious gifts I can ever hope to receive. Knowing the truth and honesty of those around me also means they are healing, and they are trusting me to be in their corner. There is nothing in this life I value more than that. Nothing.
My purpose here is to show people that you don’t necessarily have to encounter these issues directly to be involved in the fight against them. You can still show people who are struggling that they need to give others a chance to fight alongside them. You both deserve to know each other, to know what the other is feeling.
For those of you who are afraid of being a burden to others, especially to those who you think might not understand: I urge you to reconsider. Honesty and truth will strengthen your relationships more than silence ever can. A fake smile will never bring you closer to healing than the embrace of a friend. You are giving a gift by writing your story into the stories of others. You are giving them the chance to love you and to learn from that love.
I know what it is like to love someone with depression. I know the feeling of hugging a friend who struggles through self-injury. I know the experience of watching a family member fight through an anxiety attack. I know what it is like to see someone battle with an addiction. I know the pain of hearing that someone I love would try to end his or her own life. But I have also seen people, in each of these situations, embrace and live in recovery. This has made my relationships meaningful, significant, and true. This has made me care about speaking up and breaking walls.
I care. I am here, because I care.
— Andrea, TWLOHA Fall 2013 Intern
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